My Memories Lead Me to You
by Jewannaman
Summary: Post 6x10 Multichap fic rated NC-17. It follows canon, but the first chapter is a prologue and starts out after Dan is revealed to be Gossip Girl.
1. Prologue

_This is some NC-17 stuff and leaves off after Dan reveals he is Gossip Girl. The story follows canon, except I added my own storyline in-between the time jump that the show gave us. Also, Dan is indeed Gossip Girl in this, which is crazy, but I suppose I can play along. _

_On a sidenote, the chapter starts out weird, but that's because Dan is wasted. Again, this fic is rated NC-17, but more for the later chapters than this one._

* * *

He's leaning on the other side of the wall in the elevator, taking her in. She loves his new hairstyle. It's gelled very lightly and the medium length hair is combed towards the middle. She wonders why he waited for them to break up before cutting it. In fact, she always found it strange how inconsistent his hairstyle was.

"So that was snoozefest" Dan says while holding a smile.

He seems drunk to her, or at least a little buzzed. Chuck is still discussing business with some of the board members from Bass Industries and Serena asked Dan to take her home. Being pregnant doesn't make her a child, but she sure feels like she's being treated like one.

Blair lets her eyes drift away and remains quiet. She doesn't have much to say to him considering they have barely spoken a word to each other since the day she flashed him her ring and proved him wrong.

"Are you still mad at me?" Dan asks.

Her head snaps in his direction and she gives him a hard look. "Everything was a lie"

"Look at the way I stare at you and tell me it was a lie" Dan replies and meets her eyes.

She swallows hard and tries to keep her walls up. She wants to hate him. Hating him makes Chuck look like an angel.

"Why are you trying to rewrite history Blair?"

"You're Gossip Girl" Blair snaps, feeling her heart pound erratically.

Dan smiles sadly. "I may have been Gossip Girl, but you can't tell me we all didn't do awful things to each other" He takes a step forward, and Blair glares trying to scare him off, but it does no good. "I just don't understand how you can pretend like I didn't make you cum in this elevator"

Blair's eyes widen and her cheeks redden. "Humphrey!"

Dan chuckles lightly and leans his head back against the wall. "I was so fucking close"

"To what?"

"To you choosing me" Dan answers more to himself than her while looking straight at the wall on the other side. "I was right there man. That melon head fucker was so close to getting double whammied by you and Bart"

"Dan" Blair warns.

He turns his head to take her in. "Open your eyes and look around Blair. There is no one but me"

Blair frowns, hating how Dan's words have an effect on her. "Why are you doing this?"

He takes her hand and leans his forehead against hers. "I just want to remind you that you have me, and you always will"

She stares at him. His eyes are shut and he looks to be savoring the moment and her touch.

"I love you" Dan whispers.

"I don't think Serena will be very happy to hear that" Blair says lightly.

"We're on a break right now" Dan tells her and she looks up to see that his eyes are on her lips.

And that's when it happens. He leans in for a kiss, and she lets him. In fact, she enjoys it. His lips are exactly how she remembered, soft and tender.

He pulls away and swallows hard. "If you ever need anything…find me"

Dan doesn't meet her eyes. Rather, he just waits for the elevator to reach the lobby and leaves for California.

So much for babysitting her.

* * *

Blair's sitting in that stupid hallway and feels her heart drop. She hears a familiar voice and sees a young Dan sitting in front of her, telling her about his mom.

"Why are you telling me this?" Blair asks.

His eyes soften. "I know how you feel"

"But all I've ever done is be mean to you" Blair says.

Dan chuckles and meets her eyes. "I guess I don't want you to be mean to me anymore"

Blair swallows hard as her eyes soften. "This means a lot to me"

"I know" Dan says barley above whisper with soft eyes that peer through her soul.

Her eyes slowly flutter open and her heart beats erratically. Blair reaches for the water to help with her dry throat, but struggles because of her large stomach. She then checks the other side of her bed to see it empty. She tries so hard to fight it and eventually shuts her eyes, but it does no good because a wet tear rolls down her cheek.

* * *

She gives birth to a beautiful dark haired boy and when she arrives to her townhouse, she finds it filled with their family and friends. Unfortunately, she's exhausted and the last thing she wants is to put on a smile for everyone and listen to them talk about how cute her baby is.

Blair hides in the library. She sits on the dark green leather sofa chair and takes off her heels off to relax. Her eyes shut and for the first time in months, she feels unperturbed.

* * *

A year passes and Dan comes back to New York. The production to his movie is over, leaving him with some free time to dick around. Chuck's sponsoring some gala in Manhattan and he dresses for the occasion. It's still strange to think of himself as an insider now.

He sips on the bubbling champagne and his eyes flicker across the room until they stop on a suave Chuck Bass. Dan straightens out his tie and makes his way over to Chuck in his shiny black Bruno Magli's.

Chuck smiles, looking a little surprised and sticks his hand out. "Dan"

"How's it going?" Dan takes Chuck's hand and shakes it.

"Busy" Chuck's phone vibrates and he shakes his head a little. "As you can clearly see" He sticks out his index finger to request a minute. "Just give me a second"

Dan spins around and shoves his hands down his pocket, looking around in the snow white room. His eyes drift up to the ceiling to see a crystal pink chandelier.

"Sorry about that Dan" Chuck apologizes and waits for Dan to turn back over to him. "You should come over for dinner one night"

"Yeah, that would be great, but I was hoping you had a minute" Dan tells Chuck.

Chuck's brows furrow in concern. "What do you need?"

"Would it be possible to discuss this somewhere more private?" Dan asks, looking around.

* * *

"Here you are" Chuck hands him a glass of scotch and sits on the end of his desk.

"Thanks" Dan takes the drink and sits on the leather chair, facing Chuck.

His eyes drift over to the fire Chuck starts with a remote. The office to Bass Industries hasn't changed a bit. The carpet is still hookers green and the walls are made of dark wood.

"Are you familiar with Tommy Arietta?" Dan asks and crossed one leg over the other.

"I've caught a few of his pieces" Chuck answers and takes a sip from his glass.

"My friend, who works for the New York Times told me they're going to be publishing a new piece on the Bass family" Dan says and swallows hard. "He's got pretty good sources Chuck"

Chucks hand starts shaking and he places the drink on the desk. "Does it revisit my father's death?"

"That's the last thing I would be worrying about right now" Dan replies.

Chuck rises to his feet and heads to his chair, only to plop down and rub his forehead tiredly. "This is going to be a PR nightmare"

Dan leaves his chair to rise on his feet and straighten out his jacket. "Yes, well I thought I'd give you a heads up"

"I appreciate it Dan" Chuck says and goes back to looking in deep thought.

Dan nods and turns around to leave the office.

* * *

Dan rings the bell and taps his foot impatiently. The door opens and he sees Blair standing there, giving him a hard look. She gets more and more beautiful every day.

"What do you want?" Blair asks, not looking impressed with his appearance.

Dan blows a breath in his hand to keep warm. "Blair, its freezing, can I come in?"

She presses her lips in displeasure, but gives him more of an opening and he steps into the foyer of her ridiculous white marble floored foyer.

He tosses his scarf on the sofa of the living room and takes in the significant amount of bookcases in her living room.

"Make it quick" Blair says.

He turns around to see her wearing a yellow, black belted floor length dress. He must have missed her at Chuck's gala.

Dan cautiously takes a few steps toward her. "We never talked about it"

Her brows furrowed in question. "What are you babbling about Humfreak?"

He looks away, letting her words cut in that slightly venomous tone of hers. It's so pathetic that he still wants her after she continues to degrade him, but for some reason he can't shake her off.

He swallows hard and meets her eyes. "I can't stop thinking about that kiss"

"Dan, I have more important things to do than talk about some brief kiss I can barely even recall" Blair says, giving him an incredulous look.

Dan clenches his jaw tightly, losing his patience. "You're lying"

With every second passing, her eyes keep drifting down to his lips.

"I didn't feel anything" She says barely above whisper and lifts her chin high, but those doe eyes of hers keep faltering down to his lips.

He slides his finger on the back of her head and into her hair.

"Well let me remind you" Dan replies and pulls her in for a kiss.

It's rough and filled with hunger as his free hand cups her jaw and their noses brush against one another.

Dan pulls away leading her to whimper and stares into her eyes. They're a little crossed, like she's lost in his, and her pink lips are perfectly swollen, enticing him to lean in for some more.

"Nothing" Blair breathes.

He kisses her again and she moans, grabbing onto the back of his head possessively. Her tongue tries to trickle in and he lets it as he backs her away against the wall.

Losing his patience, he roughly takes off her dress, not caring if it gets ruined, and pushes it off her slender figure. As he pulls away and takes her in, he licks his lips and can't believe her body looks just as amazing as before.

Her chest is heaving back and forth with her dark doe eyes staring intently. He groans from her lust filled eyes and tugs the crouch of her panties to the side because he just isn't patient enough. He doesn't want to wait, he just wants to fuck her. His pants drop on the floor and he hooks her leg around his hip to enter her roughly. She moans breathily against his cheek and he then hides his forehead on her collarbone and grunts with each rough thrust into her wet slit.

"Yes" Blair moans in a tone mixed of pain and pleasure as her nails dig into his bare hip, daring him to go harder.

And he does until she comes with her thighs trembling and her back arching into him as she clenches around him.

* * *

The next day, Dan's eyes flutter open and he rolls over to check his phone. There is nothing from Blair, leaving him a little disappointed, but that's what he deserves for having some hope in Blair Waldorf. He's not going to call her because as far as he knows, it was one night of temptation and Dan does not want to look like a fool.

A sigh escapes his lips as he rubs his eyes and heads for the shower.

Dan's eating cereal alone on the kitchen island when he hears a knock on his front door.

"Come in!" Dan shouts and swivels his silver spoon around the bowl of milk.

The door opens and it's Nate, throwing his arms up and smiling like a loon.

"Dude"

Dan laughs and slips off the stool to slap hands with Nate. "What's going on?"

"Nothing much, just working my tail off for Crocker's campaign" Nate says and then his eyes narrow on the side of Dan's arms. "What happened here?"

A crease forms in-between Dan's brows as he looks underneath the t-shirt to see red marks, or scratches if Nate has enough perception.

"Uh, I don't know" Dan replies.

A smirk slowly spreads across his lips. "Nice" Dan rolls his eyes and heads back to his cereal. "Who's the girl?"

"You don't know her" He tells him and hops onto the stool.

Nate nods and sits on the stool next to Dan. "Anyways, I'm here because Serena is worried you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving alone"

"She should've come herself" Dan murmurs quietly.

Nate's eyes fall on Dan's arm. "Good thing she didn't"

Dan misses California already. There was nothing from his past that would either make him cringe or have him overwhelmed with nostalgia. Over there, he's the kid who played the spoiled brats from Manhattan's elite, but in New York, he's the crazy stalker who burned everyone.

"Let her know my dad will be home tomorrow"

* * *

She's standing by the dance floor in Dorota's wedding, arms crossed. Chuck's attempting to make her jealous with some whore and her heart is crumbling into pieces.

Blair doesn't drink or dance that night, rather, she stares at her maid and for the first time in her life, she feels envious of her. She looks around, and no one is there. It's just her by her lonesome carrying a dark secret that is slowly breaking her.

A deep gasp escapes Blair's lips as she suddenly awakes. She shuts her eyes and swallows hard, trying to catch her breath. She places a hand on her chest to feel her aching heart.

* * *

Chuck's out of the state, spending Thanksgiving with an investor, but her attention is constantly on her phone. A week has passed and Humphrey had yet to call, let alone text her.

She clogs her sink and calls Dan.

"Hello"

"Humphrey" Blair greets, staring at her nails. "I need you to come over"

"Uh, I'm kind of busy" Dan says on the other line.

She presses her lips in displeasure. "This situation is dire, I'm sure you could spare me an hour"

She hears him sigh and smiles. He's giving in.

"What do you need?"

"I'm having some people over tonight and my sink is clogged. I would call maintenance, but you know how it is during the holidays" She explains tersely.

"Where's Chuck? Can't he do something about this?"

"Fine! Don't help a girl in need on the holiday of giving!" Blair snaps.

"Okay okay, I'm coming. Geez Waldorf"

Blair smiles wickedly. "Good, I'll see you soon"

* * *

Blair licks her lips as she stares at Dan working under the sink of her kitchen. His shirt has risen to where she can see his flat stomach.

"I always knew people from Brooklyn would be handy for something" Blair says with a hand on her hip.

"Wow, now I know why Drano wasn't working" Dan muses off and leaves the sink. He shakes his head and washes his hand. "Somebody messed with your sink"

"Can you fix it?"

Dan turns around, wiping his hand off with a paper towel. "I just did" She starts backing away and swallows hard with each step he makes toward her. She gasps when her back hits the marble counter. Her gaze drops on his lips and a small curl forms. "I should get going"

"Yes, you should" Blair says barely above whisper.

To her disappointment, he listens and backs away from her space, leaving her wet and cold. She doesn't understand why he has to think so much. Their intense gaze falters from the sound of the baby crying upstairs as well as on the baby monitor on the counter.

"Can I see him?" Dan asks and she nods.

Blair leads him up to the Periwinkle colored baby room, where they find Henry grasping on the railing and crying. It's the first time she has been alone with her baby boy, and with Dorota spending Thanksgiving weekend with her family, Blair is scared.

Blair glances over to Dan. "Do you know why he's crying?"

Dan approaches the crib and then flinches. "Well from the smell of it, I think he needs to be changed"

Blair scrunches her face. "It's all yours Humphrey"

He tilts his head to the side, brows furrowing in disbelief. "I'm not changing him Waldorf"

"Well neither am I?" She tells him with some attitude and folds her arms across her chest.

He sticks his hand out. "Come here" Blair presses her lips tightly and takes his hand as she approaches the crib. "I thought you didn't want to be like your mom"

"I didn't before, but now that I'm here, I can't say I feel the same way anymore"

Blair's not good with kids. She wishes her baby wasn't so dependent on her because she fears she can't give him what he needs. Her heart is closed just as much as Chuck's. She remembers how difficult it was for Chuck to become more open to her and that is something she does not want her son to go through.

"Change him Blair" Dan says more firmly, ignoring the cries of her Henry.

He's standing pat and not budging one bit on his stance. It's frustrating to not get her way. She bites her cheeks and picks Henry up and off the crib to place him on the walnut changing table.

Blair has no idea where to begin and she looks at Dan for answers. A smile slowly spreads across his lips and he places his hand over her back soothingly. He leads her the way, carefully instructing her and by the time it's over, she realizes it isn't as bad as she initially imagined.

When Henry's changed, he gurgles and claps. It's the cutest thing she's ever seen.

"I was scared to you know" Dan confesses as Henry wraps his hand around Dan's index finger. "But when I started taking care of Milo, he became the person I cherished the most"

Blair turns her head to stare at Dan. "It must've hurt to be told he wasn't yours"

"It did" Dan confirms softly as a sad smile forms on his lips. "I can only think of one other time I felt that sort of pain"

Her breath hitches because she knows about the other time he's referring to.

Dan checks the time on his cellphone and sighs. "I really do have to get going Blair"

She picks up Henry and hides her lips on the side of his head as she becomes overwhelmed with guilt, leaving her to never once meet his eyes before he heads out.

* * *

Not surprisingly, the Thanksgiving dinner in the loft is quiet. Nothing has been the same since his reveal that he's Gossip Girl. His father looks at him differently now and blames him for getting his sister involved.

"When's the movie coming out?" Rufus asks, poking at his plate and breaking the silence.

"This summer" Dan answers.

Rufus nods and the room filled with silence once again. Ironically, his relationship with Allison has gotten stronger. She was one who understood mistakes.

"Blair offered me an internship" Jenny tells them and her gaze remains on her food.

Rufus jaw clenches and his head tilts to the side. "Please tell me you aren't considering it"

Jenny swallows hard and tilts her chin up to look at her father. "I am"

"I for one think you should. Blair may have been awful to you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take advantage of once in a lifetime opportunity" Dan says and places his and on top of Jenny.

Jenny smiles at Dan and squeezes his hand.

* * *

Sipping on his drink, Dan watches Chuck and Blair stand side by side. It's another party in the Upper East Side and he should be excited, but all he can taste is bitterness. They spent the past week fucking each other, but now that Chuck is back in New York, he is no longer needed. Dan never thought he would be the other man.

His thoughts drift off to Rome and the pain he felt. All he could do during his trip was picture them having sex and scheming while Georgina would try to snap him out of it and bring him to reality. He places his champagne aside and ditches New York for Cece's summer home to clear his head. He still has the key, and considering it was winter, he imagined no one being there.

Dan spends a month in the Hamptons. He tries to write, but fails miserably. So he spends most of his time drinking and ignoring the sound of his phone vibrating.

He comes back to New York yearning for Blair. He misses her body and the feel of her hair under his fingertips. It's been a while, so when he checks his phone, he finds it filled with missed calls and texts. One message in particular is from Blair letting him know Chuck is out of the Country.

It's pathetic how quickly he rushes out the door and takes a taxi to her penthouse. Dan rings the door bell and waits.

When the door opens, he sees a furious Blair on the other side. He ignores it and lunges at her, shutting the door with the back of his foot.

* * *

Blair's in love with Dan, but unlike before, she knows for sure it's more than Chuck. Every time her mind drifts to the past, she can't help but think he knew everything about her, and yet he chose to love her anyways. Dan pushes her in ways others never have while Chuck has spent the past few months fighting the New York Times on their article and suing them for defamation.

"I've been having these nightmares" Blair tells him as Dan sips on his tea in the family room. His eyes tell her to go on. "I keep dreaming about my life without you"

"Do you mean I don't exist at all?" He asks with his inquisitive eyes.

Blair takes a sip from her cup and shakes her head. "No, you do exist. In one of the dreams, I ran into you in NYU, but you looked at me like I was a stranger and walked away"

Dan places his hand on top of her thigh and smiles. "They're just dreams"

"But they feels so real" Blair shuts her eyes. "I can feel my heart hurting when I'm in them and it doesn't go away when I wake up"

His eyes leave her to a baby Henry sitting on the carpet floor and playing with his small airplane. When a sigh leaves Dan's lips, her heart stops beating and her shoulders rise in tension.

"He's getting older Blair" Dan says, still staring at Henry.

She knows what it means, and the thought is worse than her nightmares.

* * *

Serena takes the staircase up to the roof. She had kept an eye on Dan and was beginning to worry about the amount of alcohol he had consumed.

When she arrives on the roof, she sees him sitting against the wall and holding a large bottle of vodka. Since Blair left Dan for Chuck, he hadn't been the same and it's truly tragic because in her eyes, she couldn't picture a boy more perfect. She carefully sits on the floor, next to Dan and takes in the heavy shave he's holding.

Serena runs a hand through his hair. Dan turns his head to look at her and holds a smile filled with pain.

"Hey, it's okay" Serena says softly.

She was so mad at him before. He lied to her about everything and manipulated her into believing the Gossip Girl website was a love letter, when in reality, it was his way of hurting them. They were just a part of a prank that went wrong and got out of hand.

"I'm a horrible person" Dan tells her and swallows hard. "You were right about me"

"What did you do?"

"I've been sleeping with Blair" Dan confesses, looking in deep thought as he stared straight ahead.

"Oh Dan" Serena eyes soften. "Why do you keep putting yourself through this?"

"I don't know" Dan shuts his eyes and shakes his head in disappointment. "Most days I'm in love with her, but there are days when I think about the past and I start to hate her all over again"

"The heavy bags under your eyes are telling me this relationship is wearing on you" Serena says, looking at him in concern.

"What should I do?" Dan asks, meeting her eyes.

"We both know the right thing is to let that child grow with his mother and father" Serena answers.

Dan nods understandingly and takes a swig from his bottle.

* * *

"I don't understand why you're doing this" Blair says, sitting in a booth of the diner across from Dan's loft. "He needs you"

"No, what he needs is his father Blair" Dan replies with soft eyes.

"You don't understand" Blair shuts her eyes to stop them from getting watery. "I don't want him to be like us"

Dan places his hand on top of hers. "You just have to make sure he takes in the good things rather than the bad"

Her eyes open to see a dejected Dan staring at her. "I let you in"

He nods sadly. "I know"

"Then why are you doing this to me!" Blair snaps as her breathing becomes uneven and everyone's attention in the diner falls on them.

Dan takes his hand away from hers and leans back on the booth. He shoves hands down to his pockets and looks down on the table in-between them. She hates this. She has no control over the situation and its driving her emotions everywhere.

"I can't sit on the side watching you with Chuck while you try to figure out what you want anymore" Dan says.

"If I left him, would it change your mind?" Blair asks.

Dan tilts his chin up to meet her eyes. "You won't, so it doesn't matter"

"But what if I did?" Blair presses.

"It wouldn't matter because we're missing the most important component of a relationship" He answers.

She gives him a look of incredulity. "Are you telling me you don't trust me?"

"No…and neither do you" Dan says firmly.

* * *

Blair doesn't sleep the entire night, and when the sun begins to rise, Dan escapes from her arms and rolls off the bed. She sits up and her jaw clenches tightly, giving him a hard look as she watches him put on a grey long sleeve Henley.

He ignores the fire burning in her eyes and slips his feet into his leather cap toe boots. With each step, her grip on the sheet of her bed grows tighter and tighter. She's so angry with him. He's leaving her just like everyone else has in her life.

"I love you Blair" Dan whispers before turning the knob and stepping out of her bedroom.

He's gone.

* * *

Serena rolls her luggage across the airport with Blair and Henry. They see a dark haired Eric, smiling, and waiting for them. She practically lunges to her brother. God does she miss him. He was the only sane person in their family.

Eric pulls away from Serena and kneels down to Henry's eye level.

A smile becomes of Eric's lips. "And who is this little guy?"

Henry shyly hides behind Blair's leg, leading Eric to laugh and Blair to smile in awe at her boy. "Henry, say hi to your uncle Eric"

Eric rises to his feet. "How old is he now?"

"Three" Blair tells him proudly.

Eric nods and starts pushing the cart of luggage, leading them over to his car.

* * *

Serena lies on the lounge chair by the pool in her two piece bikini, feeling the California sun on her skin. She must admit, there is a lot less drama in California as everyone is easy going. Serena turns her head and lifts her sunglasses to look at Blair who is tanning as well.

"Didn't I tell you this would be nice?" Serena smirks and a lazy smile spreads across Blair's lips.

"What do you girls want to do today?" Eric asks, sitting on the edge with his feet sunk in the pool overlooking the city.

There are too many things to do in California and yet so far, they've only managed to shop and bum around the beaches.

Before Serena can respond, they hear someone climbing up the staircase and turn around to see Dan carrying up his luggage. Serena didn't think he'd show, considering they hadn't spoken in few years. When she told Eric of her plan to visit, she found it awfully convenient that Dan would be out of town.

She slides off the lounge chair and hugs Dan because no matter the circumstances, he would always be Dan to her. Surprisingly, he hugs her tightly and takes his time to let her out of his arms.

Dan pulls away from her and his eyes drift over to Blair.

"Waldorf"

"Humphrey" Blair says in distaste as she sits up.

"Where is Henry?" Dan asks and his eyes roam around like a excited dog.

"He's taking a nap" Serena tells him and Dan frowns.

He picks his luggage back up and heads inside. Serena doesn't have anything better to do, so she follows him inside. She wants to catch up and see how he's doing. It would be a lie if she said she hadn't been worried about him considering he hasn't written anything since _Inside_.

"How's New York?" Dan asks as they ascend up the spiral staircase and head to his bedroom.

"It's the same really. Most of the women are just as ignorant as before and the men continue to take advantage of the power they hold in the relationship" Serena sums up as she stares at Dan's ass. She always thought Dan had one of the better butts.

Dan chuckles and tosses his suitcase on the bed. "When did you become so doom and gloom?"

"After living around my mother, I would be delusional to think otherwise" Serena says.

It's not just her mother. As Serena became more and more involved in the community, she realized most of her friends from High School had become her mother.

He turns around and his deep brown eyes are staring into hers with concern. This is what she loves about Dan. Everything is about her and solely her. Nothing around them matters. All he wants is to make sure she's alright.

"All that matters is that you're not like them" Dan replies and her lips curl.

Serena eyes soften. "Thank you"

"Yeah, I wouldn't thank me. I just didn't want to spend the entire week listening to you mope" Dan teases.

Serena slaps Dan's arm and smiles. "You ass"

Dan laughs lightly and falls back on his bed. "I missed you Serena"

"Aww" Serena pouts a little. "I missed you to"

He sits back up and plays with the handle of his suitcase. "How's their marriage?"

"It's rocky" Serena tells him, sounding worried.

"Wow" Dan turns his attention back to Serena, looking a little flabbergasted. "That's really sad"

"I know" Serena sits beside him on the bed as they look in deep thought.

* * *

It's strange. Dan doesn't speak to Blair very often, nor does he look at her. She never feels any tension, but maybe they were just good at acting.

Serena has been to Los Angela's so many times that instead of sightseeing, she spends most of her time with Dan. They drink, dance, and when they come home, they stay up all night sharing dark secrets. Of course they do things Dan wants as well, like going to the movies, which makes her laugh. Dan finds enjoyment on such simple things.

Blair doesn't join them on the nights they go out and drink. She misses her friend dearly, not this skinny to the bone girl who seems exhausted. But Serena doesn't know how to bring the old Blair back. They're not best friends anymore and Serena only invited Blair over in an attempt to salvage whatever remains of their relationship, which is practically nothing.

"I wish I could take so many things back" Serena says, staring at the lights of the buildings in the city as the sit on the ledge of the pool.

Dan takes a sip from his Heineken and places it back down "It's too late to second guess your self now"

"I miss what we had" Serena confesses sadly.

"What you two had was special, but it's gone and it's not coming back"

She sighs at his brutal honesty because she knows he's right.

* * *

They leave California and she feels more distant from Blair than ever before. On the other hand, she feels Dan and her had built on something.

When they arrive in New York, they both go their separate ways. Blair spends most of her time in Waldorf Designs and doesn't have much time for Serena anymore. Soon even the texting dies down between them and Serena finds a new group of friends she meets through modeling.

Christmas rolls around and Eric visits. To her surprise, Dan joins her brother and attends the party her mother holds. It's still difficult to get used to seeing Dan attend Upper East Side parties. Sometimes she forgets that he is one of them now, but she doesn't know if that's a good thing.

"How long are you staying this time around?" Serena asks as she approaches him holding her champagne flute.

As always, he looks dashing in his suit.

"I'm actually planning on staying here for a while this time" Dan smiles easily and then he looks down. "I uh, still have many things that need to be resolved"

"Like your father" Serena fills in and smiles sadly.

"That is one of the many on my list, yes" Dan says and meets her eyes. "But the one that's most important is you"

She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, breaking their gaze. "I don't think that's such a good idea"

"Serena, I am so sorry for the way I treated you"

Serena swallows hard and shakes her head. "We've both done awful things to each other, so that's not what's bothering me"

"Serena, look at me" Dan tells her and she tilts her chin up to stare into his eyes. "I'm over her"

"You say that all the time" Serena reminds him and folds her arms across her chest.

He leans in. "The only thing I can say is that I didn't catch a flight across the country to tell Blair I love her"

"You love me?" Serena asks softly.

"I do" Dan nods slowly. "I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out"

A watery smile appears on her lips as he reaches for her hand and presses his forehead against hers.

* * *

Dan's staring at the blank white page on his Mac and sighs. Like usual, he has nothing to write. He hears a knock on the door to his office.

"Come in"

The door opens and Serena steps in looking troubled.

Dan's brows furrow in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Blair just called. We need to go over there" Serena says.

"I thought we agreed that I don't I have to see her"

"But it's bad Dan. She was hysterical on the phone, and you're so good with words" Serena explains.

He pushes himself off the chair, shaking his head in frustration. "Alright, let's go"

Serena unlocks the door to the Bass's townhouse with the spare key she was given and when they set foot in the foyer hand in hand, sobbing is the only thing he hears. Dan's eyes flicker around, taking in the mess before him.

The circular mirror is shattered on the floor of the foyer and with each step, he can hear the glass crumbling under his boots. His heart is pumping erratically as he becomes overcome with fear from not knowing what just took place.

Dan places hand on Serena's shoulder to stop her from stepping into the family room.

"Can you go check up on Henry?" Dan asks.

Serena nods and heads up the staircase as Dan nervously plays with the ring on his finger and sets foot in the family room, taking in the bookcases lying on the floor and the broken wine glass. He sees Chuck standing above Blair, holding a glass of chardonnay with dark heavy eyes. His hair is ruffled and his jaw is clenched tightly. His eyes then drift down to Blair, who is crying uncontrollably with her arms around her knees and her back against the wall on the floor.

Chuck glances over to Dan. "I'm not surprised she called you. She keeps bitching to me, so why not bitch to you as well right?" Dan swallows hard, not knowing how to respond. "She doesn't appreciate me Humphrey" Chuck's snaps his head over to Blair. "I fucking made you! Waldorf Designs would be nothing if it weren't for me!"

Dan's eyes widen. He has no idea what he just walked into and his only concern is grabbing Henry and leaving.

"You can have it!" Blair shouts back. "I never wanted it anyways!"

"You ungrateful bitch!" Chuck growls as his fingers curl into fists. "I almost lost Bass Industries because of your fucking company!"

"Dan" Serena calls from upstairs. "Should I bring him downstairs?"

"No, I'll let you know when it's okay" Dan tells Serena and then looks at a heavy breathing Chuck. "I'm going to take Henry with me for a while"

Chuck shuts his eyes to make an attempt to calm down and nods. Dan takes a breath because he knows that was the easy part.

"Blair, why don't you come with us?" Dan asks.

"I don't think that is such a good idea Humphrey" Chuck mutters, grinding his teeth together.

"Well I didn't ask you Chuck" Dan replies.

"I'd like to leave with you" Blair says quietly and slowly rises to her feet. "I'm going to pack a suitcase"

She hurries out of the room and up the staircase. Chuck tries to follow, but Dan places a hand on Chuck's chest to stop him.

"Let it go man" Dan says, with his eyes pleading for Chuck to relax. "I think you both could use some time apart"

Chuck backs away, running a hand through his hair. He then grabs a jacket and heads out of the townhouse. To where, Dan doesn't know, but right now, he doesn't really care.

* * *

The lack of privacy they once had disappears. Blair practically moves in with them and Serena attempts to mend her heart while he concentrates on making sure Henry doesn't get affected by the ignorance of his parents. Not that Blair doesn't love Henry, because she does, but unfortunately for Henry, she's heartbroken and that takes time to heal.

He waits patiently and eventually, Blair does the right thing and files for divorce, leaving him to finally be free and alone with his wife. However, he is sad when he has to say goodbye to Henry. He loves the boy dearly and is going to miss waking up in the mornings of a weekend to catch cartoons with him.

* * *

On Nate's thirtieth birthday, they headed to Hamptons. Dan on the other hand still had a few lectures for the classes he teaches in Columbia, so Serena had to leave without him. But now, she's staring at her cellphone and can't help but worry. He's five hours late and his phone keeps going straight to voicemail.

"Serena"

She glances over to the doorframe of Nate's living room to see a distressed Blair.

"Rufus called" Blair swallows hard. "Dan's been in an accident"

* * *

His eyes slowly flutter open. At first, everything is a blur, but his vision starts to clear and he sees a royal yellow walled room. He tries to turn his neck, but it hurts and he groans in pain.

"Dan" He hears and sits up to get a better look

He grimaces and watches a gorgeous tall blue eyed blonde approach him.

She touches his arm "Baby"

A crease forms in-between his brows. He doesn't recognize her. He tries to go back, but everything is blank and it's frustrating the hell out of him.

The blonde looks over to a milky skinned brunette with sharp features. "I'm going to grab the nurse"

The brunette nods and when the blonde leaves, she reaches for his hand and smiles. He can feel his skin burning from her touch.

"I was so worried" She whispers with her voice slightly cracking.

Dan swallows painstakingly hard and meets her eyes.

"Who are you?"

* * *

_I hope I wasn't too harsh with Chuck's character, but I feel like it was in line with how he was portrayed on the show for the first five season. And even in Season 6, it was clear as day what was most important to him. So I hope the Chuck fans aren't mad at me as I don't necessarily hate the character, I just hate him with Blair._

_Anyways, I don't know when the next update for this fic will be. I have other ones to work on, but I will try to update this soon. _


	2. Chapter 1

_I really appreciated the kind words regarding the previous chapter. I thought the amnesia storyline would've deterred most. Hopefully, the wait for this chapter was well worth it. _

* * *

Serena sits in the office, taking in the degrees framed on the wall. It's strange for her to be sitting in a hospital and waiting for the results. Before Cece's death, hospital visits were rare for Serena. Her family's genetics have always been strong and illnesses like diabetes and cancer were unheard of. But now, she is sitting and waiting on the results of her husband's CT scan.

When she hears the door to the office open, she looks over her shoulder to see Dr. Williams in his lab coat and scrubs, carrying a clipboard.

Dr. William's blonde brows furrow in worry and she gathers the news isn't going to be good.

"Mrs. Humphrey" Dr. Williams greets, and sits on the chair on the other side of the office table. He sighs and takes a moment for himself, not meeting her eyes, leaving her heart to pound out of her chest.

He meets her eyes. "Your husband's medial temporal lobe has been severely damaged"

Serena swallows hard. "So what does that mean?"

"After spending a few days with him, we've learned he's suffering from long term memory loss. He doesn't know who he is and to be perfectly honest, I don't believe his memory will be coming back" Dr. Williams explains and Serena's mouth parts open.

The news is devastating for sure, but Serena is relieved Dan won't need surgery and health wise, he's perfectly fine. When the accident occurred, she feared death was lurking around the corner. In fact, they all did.

"So what would you advise me to do next?" Serena asks.

Dr. Williams leans in and places his intertwined hands on the desk. "Take him home and make him feel welcome. You should also have family and friends home often. However, the most important thing is to be patient"

Serena nods her head understandingly. She can be patient.

Dr. Williams gestures over to the door with his hand. "Shall we go see him?"

Serena tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yes, please"

She rises to her feet and follows the doctor down the hallway. Once Dan awoke and he was unable to recognize them, the doctor requested she and his family give them some time to collect all the information. As she looks around and takes in the depressing hallway, she wonders if Dan knows they're married.

When Serena sets foot in the hospital room, she sees Dan sitting on the edge with a gauge wrapped around his head and the overnight bag she packed for him by his side. He's wearing a black fleece and dark blue jeans. Ironically, they were his favorite pair of jeans and it's quite amusing to see him chose the pair out the overnight bag.

"Dan. This is Serena, the woman I spoke of earlier" Dr. Williams says.

Dan hops off the edge of the bed and sticks his hand out. "It's nice to finally meet you"

Serena intertwines her hand with his, looking a little perplexed. "Do you know who I am?"

He releases her hand and a slight blush grows on his cheeks. "Yes, we're apparently married"

"I let Dan know who you are, but I'm leaving it for you to fill in the rest" Dr. Williams chimes in.

Serena nods and turns her attention to Dan. "Come on, let's take you home"

Dan grabs the overnight bag, and follows her over to the elevator down the hallway.

* * *

Dan stands in the elevator, feeling pretty good. It's annoying to not know who he is, but he couldn't have asked for a better host. She's over the top gorgeous and he's intrigued to hear her story. He wonders how he landed someone so flawless.

"Your father and sister are waiting for us downstairs" Serena tells him and then a crease forms in-between her brows. "Has Dr. Williams spoke of them?"

Dan shakes his head. "No, he only told me about you"

Serena bites her bottom lip and nods, staring down to her toes. It should be him who is shy, and yet she is the one who is uncomfortable.

"So where do we live?" Dan asks, trying to make Serena more comfortable.

"Um…" She continues to tug on that bottom lip of hers. "The Upper East Side" Dan's eyes widen in surprise. "You know what that is?"

"I'm not brain damaged" Dan chuckles.

Serena shuts her eyes, blushing, and shakes her head. "You're right, I'm sorry. This is just a lot to take in"

The elevator stops abruptly and a _ding _rings in his ear. They step out into the lobby, for him to only see a all lanky blonde and an well-aged man with dark hair.

To his surprise, the older man spreads his arms out and Dan's eyes widen as he's pulled into a hug. It must be his father. The man had beautiful hair for someone his age and had very few wrinkles. They look nothing alike considering their hair is completely different from one another. Maybe he was adopted.

"I'm so happy you're okay kiddo" Rufus whispers.

"Dan, this is your father Rufus" Serena introduces Rufus. When Dan pulls away, he is instantly hugged tightly by the tall blonde. "And that's your sister Jenny"

"You remember right Dan?" Jenny asks and he can sense the desperation in her tone.

Dan's eyes sadden. "I'm sorry, I can't say I do"

Jenny releases him from her hug and meets his eyes. "We'll get this straightened out, I promise"

Dan frowns instantly at the thought of her holding onto hope because he knows the only thing it will lead to is disappointment for them.

They head out of the lobby and he's a bit miffed to see a town car awaiting them by the curb. His father must be a very wealthy person, even though he isn't dressed like one.

"What exactly do you do for a living?" Dan asks curiously, sitting on the leather seat beside Serena and Jenny.

Rufus sighs, looking a hesitant to provide an answer. "I do gigs here and there, but financially speaking, you've been supporting me"

"Okay…Then what do I do?"

"You do some freelance writer and spend a majority of your time teaching, but most of your fortune comes from a series of movies that have been based on a novel you had written when you were in college" Serena explains and places her hands on top of his thigh. "That and we have my trust fund"

"I don't understand" Dan rubs his forehead with a crease forming. "Why am I financially supporting my father?"

The look of hurt of Rufus's face makes him regret the question, but he needs to get a better understanding of what happened.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive"

"It's okay, I understand your curiosity…. I married rich and foolishly sold my art gallery. When we divorced, I was left with nothing" Rufus struggles to tell him.

"That's horrible" Dan says softly.

Rufus swallows hard and his eyes slowly drift down. "She in fact left me for another man"

"Okay!" Serena clasps her hands together a little too excitedly. "I think we should change the tune of this conversation" She looks at Jenny. "Don't you?"

"Uh…Yeah, of course" Jenny stutters and turns her attention to Dan. "How about we discuss where you're planning on staying?"

"I was thinking Dan would stay with me" Serena jumps in. "I mean we are only married after all"

"Dan" Jenny places her hand on top of Dan's and stares into his eyes. "Is that okay?"

"That sounds fine" Dan nods and meets Serena's welcoming smile.

* * *

Before they arrive in his supposed penthouse, Dan learns he has other options. Jenny has a nice place in the Upper East Side and he can also stay in Brooklyn with his dad. If he had to be honest, he feels most comfortable staying with his father, but that decision would hurt Serena and she deserves better.

When he sets foot in the foyer of their penthouse, he takes in the paintings, chandeliers, and the deep heavy rugs. The place is ridiculously extravagant and spacious.

Awaiting them is a blue eyed blonde with looks that can even make his knees go weak. Serena introduces them and he learns that the blonde's name is Nate and he is one of his better friends. Luckily, that seems to be the last person he needs to be introduced to and they begin preparing dinner. While Nate and Serena head for the kitchen to work on dinner, his father goes straight for the bar.

As he takes Rufus in, he sees the bloodshot eyes. There are tired bags under his eyes as well and he isn't very clean shaven. If Rufus had never spoken of his divorce, Dan would have assumed he was the reason for the depression his father was clearly dealing with.

Dan decides to look around for Jenny instead of joining Rufus for a drink. Unfortunately, he is unable to find her, so instead, he takes in the painting in his foyer and studies it thoroughly.

When he hears the elevator, he looks over his shoulder to see a milky skinned woman in an amazingly slim to the waist knee high dress. She literally looks like Snow White.

_Drop. Dead. Gorgeous._

Her mouth parts open when they meet eyes and she stops for a second before approaching him.

Dan sticks his hand out. "Hi, I'm Dan"

She wraps her fingers around his hand, still holding his gaze and he can instantly feel a spark.

"Blair"

"It's nice to meet you Blair" Dan smiles.

"You don't remember anything?" Blair asks and swallows hard.

"I can only remember small things, like watching Saved by the Bell and falling in love with Kelly Kapowski"

Blair laughs lightly and drops her gaze to her stilettos. "You're still adorable" She shakes her head and meets his eyes. "I can't imagine how frustrating this must be"

He still remembers what she said when his eyes first fluttered open and he can't get those words out of his head.

"What are we?"

"Honestly… I don't know what we were" Blair says and gently smooth's out the gauze on Dan's head. "Anyways, I should go check on Serena"

Dan nods slowly and watches her sway her hips out of the foyer.

* * *

Blair chews on her food quietly, fighting the urge to let her eyes fall on Dan. It's rather refreshing to see him stare at her with deep intrigue. She doesn't know how to summarize their relationship before the accident. Friends spend time together, which is something they never did. Instead, they would remain silent and share looks that caused her breath to hitch and her lips to burn.

They rarely ever had dinner like this before the accident. It's not that she avoided them, rather, she never received an invitation. Somewhere along the line, everyone forgot about her and became consumed with their careers and families.

"Rufus, whatever happened with Lisa?" Nate inquires, leading Jenny and Serena to groan in annoyance.

Blair knows exactly what the girls mean. Rufus is the biggest buzzkill.

Rufus sighs and places his silverware down to stare at Nate. "I walked in on her in a compromising position with another man"

"Wow, you have terrible luck with women" Dan notes.

"Either that or you're horrible in bed" Blair says and presses her lips in displeasure.

The dining room falls quiet and shifts towards uncomfortable. She doesn't care because someone needed to be cut and dry with Rufus. The drinking and moping around is getting tiring.

Once everyone finishes dinner, she heads straight for the bar to pour herself the drink she desperately needs.

"That was just mean"

Blair rolls her eyes and takes a sip from her drink before turning around to see Dan standing there. "Didn't Serena tell you, I'm the crazy bitch around here"

"Well if you're going to speak to my father that way, then I think you should leave" Dan warns her.

She looks at him in disbelief. "Get your head out of your ass Humphrey. I'm not here for you, I'm here for Serena. So if anyone is going to dis-invite me, it's Serena"

"Wow" Dan shakes his head a little as he stares down to his toes while his brows are furrowed in confusion. "I think I may have misread you"

"It wouldn't be the first time" Blair replies and brushes past Dan, not caring if she runs over his shoulder in the process.

She heads up the staircase and into the master bedroom, where she sees Serena sorting through their walk in closet.

Blair places her hand on her hip and arches a brow. "Find anything interesting?"

"B, what the hell?"

"I thought Dan's side of the closet could have used a little reorganization" Blair says and steps into the walk in closet. "Come on S, don't pretend like you haven't been thinking the same thing"

"I wouldn't manipulate him in that way" Serena points out.

Once upon a time, Serena would have considered this to be funny.

"But you have before"

Serena snaps her head away, biting her cheeks and breathing deeply through her nose. "That was a long time ago"

"So you're telling me Dan's dick has magically turned you into a noble girl with high morals?"

Serena fingers curl into a tiny fist. "Some of us actually grow up Blair'

"Whatever S" Blair rolls her eyes. "I only came up here to let you know that I'm leaving"

Blair spins around and heads out, hearing Serena telling her not to touch their things anymore.

* * *

With everyone gone, Dan's left with Serena and it's time for bed.

Serena hands him his pajamas and nervously chews on her bottom lip. "You can sleep in the guest room if you want"

To him, Serena is still practically a stranger and sleeping in the same bed with her would be weird. However, he is a guy and he probably wouldn't feel violated no matter how far she went. So there is the option of sleeping on their bed, which could lead to them having sex. It wouldn't be such a bad thing if they weren't married, but unfortunately emotions are involved and Dan can't give Serena what she needs.

"Thanks" Dan says and takes his sleepwear from Serena before heading to the guest room.

* * *

He slowly treads over down the hallway and towards the light to see a milky skinned brunette in a green dress sitting on the floor. A tear is slowly rolling down the blush she applied on her cheek. For the first time, he sees her more than just the Queen B of Constance.

"Serena send you out here to talk to me?" Blair sniffs.

"No, believe it or not, I came here by myself" Dan replies.

Dan's eyes flutter open and he instantly sits up, feeling a little freaked out. He looks left and then right to see where he is.

"Fuck" Dan says to himself as he runs a hand through his hair.

* * *

Dan learns he teaches at Columbia, which is strange considering he had been told there are movies based on a novel he had written. Unfortunately, he can't just go back to being a professor. He has to take a leave of absence, leaving him to be home every day.

A sigh escapes his lips to realization another boring day has begun. When he arrives in the kitchen, he sees Nate cooking scrambled eggs. Dan rolls his eyes because of course Serena would never let him be home alone. They treat him like he's handicapped.

"Hey" Dan greets and takes the orange juice out of his fridge.

"Good morning" Nate says cheerily and spreads the scrambled eggs across the two plates on the marble counter.

Dan can't help but smile and hop on a stool.

"Serena will be back tonight, so it looks like it will be just you and me for today" Nate tells him and hands the plate over to Dan.

Dan takes in the food on the plate. "Thanks"

They start chewing on their food and let the silence settle in. Nate is still practically a stranger to him and he has no idea how to make conversation with him.

"Am I your best friend?" Dan asks abruptly.

"Yeah, it's you and someone else" Nate smirks and takes a sip from his glass of orange juice.

"Then I need you to be honest with me" Dan requests, staring at him in the eyes.

A crease forms in-between Nate's brows. "What do you mean?"

"Serena doesn't tell me anything" Dan explains and his brows furrow in question. "Like she says Blair is her best friend, but whenever they're around each other, the room is always tense"

"It's complicated" Nate sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "Yes, they don't like each other, but Serena is all Blair has now and they're kind of like family" Dan nods and takes a bite of his eggs. "You know, I think if you read _Inside_, you'll get a better idea of what's going on"

"Could you show me where it is?"

* * *

Serena comes home to see Dan sitting on the sofa and reading _Inside. _Her heart sinks in fear and she realizes having Nate babysit Dan wasn't the wisest decision.

Dan's eyes rise from the book he's holding and a smile becomes of his lips. "Hey Serena"

"How far along are you?"

"I just finished the first chapter" Dan tells her and a sigh of relief escapes her lips. "Are you Sabrina?" Serena nods in response. "I can't believe I've been in love with you since High School"

"You can't read this" Serena says and shuts the book. A confused look forms on his features as she sits beside him on the sofa and faces him, tucking her leg under her knee. "A lot of things happened after this book ended"

"I never wrote a sequel or any story that resembles the aftermath of this book?" Dan asks.

"Dan" Serena swallows hard and places her hand on top of Dan's thigh. "You haven't written anything after _Inside"_

"Why not?"

"I don't know the answer to that question" Serena answers and smiles sadly. "Promise me you won't read this, please"

"Okay" Dan nods and hands her the book.

* * *

Dan's sitting in the loft on his couch, watching _Nights of Cabiria_. He hears some sniffs and turns his head to see Blair weeping. His jaw drops and he rubs his eyes, not believing this is actually real.

Dan's eyes flutter open to a wet pool of drool on the armrest of his sofa. He hears a movie playing and rubs his eyes to clear his vision. _Nights of Cabiria_ is playing on the TV, and he wonders if it's just a coincidence, because there is no way he actually watched this movie with Blair. Right?

* * *

Somehow, Dan had been roped into agreeing to have tea with Lily. The town car drops him off to Lily's place. When he sets foot in the foyer, it's empty. There doesn't even appear to be any of the hired help working.

He thinks she may be in her office and makes his way up the staircase and down the hallway. The door to her office is already a little open and when pushes it lightly, he sees William on top of a pale skinned woman and their kissing furiously.

"What the hell's going on?"

William practically jumps off the brunette and his shoulders rise in tension. With him not covering up the woman, Dan gets a better look and sees a brunette he had never met before.

"About time somebody caught us" She sits up and hops off the desk.

William shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Fuck"

She approaches Dan and rubs her well-polished fingernail across his cheek and the only thing he sees is darkness in her eyes.

"It's been a while handsome" She gives him a wink and leaves, acting like nothing had happened.

Dan can't help but wonder who the fuck that was.

"What are you doing here?" William asks, breathing heavily.

"I'm supposed to have tea with Lily"

In a rush, William turns around wide eyed. "Shit, she's going to be home today?" William runs a hand through his slick black hair. "You can't tell her about this"

"Yeah, that's not happening"

William's jaw clenches tightly. "You don't owe her anything"

"She's my mother in law" Dan reminds him.

William leans in. "Wake up kid, there's a reason why you won't be able to find one photo of Lily in your home"

Dan swallows hard in fear. "What are you talking about?"

"You two didn't get along and she's obviously trying to manipulate her way back into your life" William fills him in. "Do you ever wonder who your father was married to before?"

Dan starts backing away, feeling lost and confused. He doesn't know who to trust anymore. He's not allowed to read his own novel, his father in law is a nutjob who is either desperate and making shit up, or he's telling the truth, making everything even worse.

With the feel of everything caving around him, he loses the ability to breath and beads of sweat form on his forehead.

"Hey, are you okay?" William inquires as his brows furrow in worry.

Dan rushes out, down the staircase and out of the penthouse, ignoring the worried calls from William.

* * *

Jenny is frantically calling everyone in her phonebook. Serena hasn't heard from Dan for hours and he apparently ditched tea with Lily, which infuriates her. Serena should've kept her in the loop about bringing Lily back into his life.

The cellphone vibrating brings her out of her haze. It's her father and she hopes he has some good news.

"I found him sitting outside the front door to the loft" Rufus says on the other line.

Jenny places her hand on her chest in relief. "Oh thank god"

"He's really upset"

"Okay, I'm at work right now, but I'll let Blair know it's an emergency and come right over" Jenny tells him.

They say their goodbyes and she hangs up the phone only hear the door to her office open. Blair steps through into the room, looking pissed.

"Jenny, where the hell were you? We had a team meeting at two!" Blair shouts.

"Oh my god, shit" Jenny shuts her eyes and covers her face with her hand, feeling stupid. "I totally forgot about it"

"Next time, set a reminder on your calendar in Outlook" Blair says and shakes her head.

"That's a good idea, I'll make sure to do that next time" Jenny nods. Blair gives her a disapproving look and turns around. "Blair!" She abruptly stops and faces a worried expression Jenny. "Before you go, I was hoping you could do me a favor"

Blair raises her brows in surprise. "You certainly have some gall today"

"Serena lost Dan" Jenny tells her. Blair's face drops and her eyes fall on her fingers. "But it's okay now. My dad found him sitting outside the door to the loft"

Blair lifts her eyes to look at Jenny. "So what do you need?"

"I plan on having him stay at my place from now on and I was hoping you could pick up some of his things from Serena's" Jenny explains, looking hopeful.

Blair looks at her in disbelief. "That sounds like a terrible idea"

"But if I do it, she'll hate me and to be perfectly honest, you two don't like each other much anyways" Jenny points out.

Blair sighs and rubs her forehead tiredly. "Fine"

"Yay!" Jenny claps happily. "Oh, and we can have sleepover with Dan. You can even bring one those movies with subtitles over"

"Jenny" Blair shuts her eyes tightly. "We're too old for sleepovers" Blair turns the handle on the door. "But if you insist, I'll be bringing over _Rear Window_ and I expect you to supply my own separate bowl of popcorn. Otherwise, I tend to get a little moody"

A smiling Jenny watches Blair leave and shakes her head at the sheer ridiculousness that is Blair Waldorf.

* * *

Since no one is in Serena's penthouse, Blair makes herself at home. Packing Dan's clothes doesn't take long, but making sure she manages to not forget any important item's he may need does.

After grabbing his toothbrush, she remembers Dan will need his laptop. Blair rolls the suitcase along the hallway and all the way over to Dan's office. It doesn't take long to find his Mac and power cord. Once she packs his laptop, she looks through his desks and drawers to make sure she isn't leaving anything important. That is until she finds a nicely organized stack of Dan's journals in the cabinet. Just as her fingers touch the spine of the journals, she hears the elevator. Blair knows it's wrong, but she was never a person with high morals anyways. So she grabs a couple of journals and places them in her handbag.

When Blair arrives in the foyer, she sees Serena distracted with her smartphone.

Blair presses her lips in displeasure. "Serena"

Serena jumps back a little, looking startled and when her blue eyes land on Blair, her brows furrow in confusion.

"What are you doing here?" Serena's eyes then fall on the suitcase. "Please don't tell me this happening right now"

"Unfortunately, I have been put in the middle of your relationship" Blair says and lifts her chin up. "Jenny wanted me to grab some of Dan's things"

"The decision should be ultimately up to Dan, not her" Serena points out.

"S" Blair's eyes soften. "This is Dan's decision"

"What? Why?" Serena asks and it looks as though she is about to cry.

"I don't know, I'm just the person getting his things" Blair replies.

"Don't play innocent with me. I know what you're thinking and you better not go there" Serena warns.

This bitch has some nerve.

"You sound crazy" Blair rolls her eyes.

"How could I not be suspicious? You've never been happy for us" Serena points out.

"Oh my god, this again" Blair rolls her eyes once more. "I was just trying to protect you"

"So Dan shouldn't move on and be happy? He should just remain miserable and spend his days pining over you?" Serena questions, staring at Blair in disbelief. "Because that was all I cared about"

"I didn't think he was good enough for you" Blair reiterates as she avoids Serena's eyes.

"Yeah and I thought you were dead wrong because all I knew was that he was fine before he dated you" Serena says, shaking her head and begins to head upstairs.

Blair's breathing shortens and her fingers curl into little balls. It's obvious Serena's trying to remind her that she doesn't deserve Dan, but Blair Waldorf does not let anyone get away with speaking to her in that way.

"I don't owe you anything considering you have already slept with two of my boyfriends" Blair counters and looks at Serena incredulously, leading Serena abruptly stop and turn around to look down at Blair from the staircase.

"Honestly, I don't even like you, so there isn't anything really stopping me from doing it. In fact, I would rather enjoy watching you suffer" Blair adds and folds her arms across her chest, giving Serena a twisty smile.

"Rufus and Jenny will never let you manipulate him like this" Serena says, trying not to overreact and remain calm.

"Wake up S" Blair laughs cruelly at Serena. "Everyone knows Dan settled for you. They're not going to get in the way of his happiness"

A moment passes between them as their eyes burn through each other and she can hear Serena's breathing pick up. Serena doesn't say another word and heads upstairs, leaving Blair to grab Dan's things and head out.

* * *

With time to spare before Jenny brings Dan over to her place, Blair wastes it reading through Dan's journals. There isn't much in the journal. His thoughts are consistent with how she saw Dan. However, she does find one excerpt that catches her attention and it is the one after her 29th birthday party.

_I love Serena, but it's not on the same level as it was with Blair, because I ache for her. Unfortunately, I have never ached for Serena. That thought makes me sad. I will never smile the way I did with Blair. This is forever we're talking about. I desperately want to feel like that again._

_I wish things were different and I wasn't stuck with these memories of Blair. Because these memories leave me with little faith in her. I always knew Blair was immature, but after we dated, her immaturity far exceeded my expectations and it makes everything I've done to them easier to swallow. I may have been a horrible person, but weren't we all?_

_None of this matters anyways. We're born in a fucked up world and eventually grow up to pretend that it never really was._

* * *

Dan enjoys the fresh waffles his father musters up and takes in the loft. It feels rather homely and he could easily picture himself being raised there. In fact, he sees traces of himself in the place.

"This is really good" Dan compliments.

"Us Humphrey's are known for our waffles" Rufus tells him and winks.

Something about being around Rufus makes him at ease. He had spent weeks in the Upper East Side and has felt out of place the entire time.

Dan hears the door and looks over his shoulder to see Jenny setting foot in the living room.

"Dan" Jenny shakes her head frustratingly. "Not cool. Seriously. Never do that again"

"I'm sorry, I just freaked out" Dan explains and looks at Rufus for support. "Everyone is so new to me and it's hard to trust anyone"

Jenny's face softens. "Tell me what happened"

Dan turns his attention to his sister. "I caught William screwing some brunette in Lily's office"

"That weasel" Jenny says, grinding her teeth together.

"A leopard never changes his spots" Rufus adds and places his plate in the sink.

Dan glances over to Rufus. "He also filled me in on your marriage with Lily"

Rufus wipes his hand with the dish towel and stares down, looking in deep thought. "That woman stomped over my soul and left me numb"

Dan furrows his brows worry. "It was that bad huh?"

"No, it was amazing, and I haven't felt alive since" Rufus tells him as he looks to be recalling a memory. "She makes my heart pump"

Dan's jaw drops and his eyes leave for Jenny, who nods in confirmation of Rufus's pathetic behavior.

"Anyways, we should get back to my place before Blair arrives and finds herself alone. I think I've pissed her off enough today" Jenny says.

"Why did you invite her?" Dan asks as his brows furrow in confusion.

Jenny's lips curl into an amused smile. "Come on, she's not that bad"

Dan's lips curve slightly. "She reminds me of Cruella de Vil"

"Oh my god! That is just mean" Jenny laughs.

Dan raises his brows in worry. "She just seems to be unnecessarily cold"

"It's easy to judge someone when you don't know what the reason is for their behavior"

"Then help me understand" Dan replies.

"Her prior marriage took a lot out of her and left her wounded" Jenny explains and places her hand on top of Dan's. "If you knew her history with Chuck, you would be able to understand that she's been scarred really badly. I myself can't imagine what it would be like to have gone through what she has"

"Okay" Dan nods, having no idea who this Chuck person is, but he assumes it must have been a volatile relationship. "I'll keep that in mind"

* * *

Like always, Blair arrives precisely twenty minutes late to Jenny's. She sees Dan conversing with Jenny on the sofa and takes him in, noticing that he's wearing the clothes she bought him. She knew Serena had been overreacting for reorganizing his closet.

Jenny's eyes light up. "Blair!"

She swallows hard and waits for Dan to look over his shoulder. When Dan does look over his shoulder, he smiles and her eyes drift down. Her nerves are getting the best of her.

"How's it going Blair?" Dan asks.

Blair tilts her chin up to look at him. "Good…Haven't seen you in a while"

"You don't come over anymore" Dan says and his eyes squint in concern. "Is everything alright between you and Serena?"

Blair arches a brow. "I could ask you the same question"

Jenny clasps her hand together. "Why don't I go make the popcorn?"

Jenny slides off the low to the ground sofa and makes her way over to the kitchen, leaving Blair with Dan. She places her handbag on a chair and sits right next to Dan, who has his foot under his knee as he faces her.

"So it seems you've figured just how manipulative the Van Der Woodsen's can be" Blair says.

Dan's attention falls to the lint of the sofa as he picks at it. "For some reason, Serena has avoided discussing the past"

Even Blair has to admit it is wrong to mislead an amnesiac Dan.

"I wouldn't have shared some things with you either" Blair admits and leans in. "There are certain things better off untouched"

"Is my past that bad?"

"Let's just say you're no better than me" Blair smirks.

Dan's brows furrow in concern. "Did I hurt you?"

"Just as much as I hurt you, and in the end, nobody won" Blair answers.

"That's interesting" He scratches his stubble cheeks, looking in deep thought. "Do you weep when you watch Nights of Cabiria?"

She can't help but look at him strangely. "That's a rather odd question" She narrows her eyes at him. "But if you must know, I suppose I have shed a few tears"

Blair watches his lips slowly curve into a smile. She doesn't get it, but she decides to let it go because he is brain damaged after all.

* * *

Dan's eyes flutter open to the feel of Jenny shaking his arm. He runs a hand through his hair and sits up on the bed.

"Dan, come on, get up. Serena's downstairs" Jenny tells him.

He tosses his duvet aside and heads for the bathroom. After he washes his face and brushes his teeth, Dan descends down the staircase to see Serena sitting in the living room and flipping through a magazine.

"Morning" Dan says as he sets foot in the living room.

Serena looks over her shoulder, mouth parted open. "Dan, hi"

It's difficult to understand why she's so nervous around him, but he doesn't know what it feels like to be her. There is definitely something she fears, but he can't put his thumb on exactly what it is.

Serena stands up and turns to face him, but her eyes remain off his. "I'm sorry for everything"

"Serena, you don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong" Dan tells her and smiles.

"Then what are you doing here?"

"You have to look at it from my perspective. I know we're married, but when I look at you, I see a stranger" Dan explains and meets her blue eyes. "I just feel at more ease with Jenny because whenever I'm around her, I feel like I'm with my sister"

"That makes sense" Serena agrees and nods. "I only want what you want"

Dan's lips curl into a small smile. "I know, and it's why I was hoping we could maybe go on a date"

"A date?" Serena raises her brows and bites onto her lower lip, trying to fight a smile.

"Yeah, I'd like to get to know you better" Dan replies.

"Okay, I'm free tonight" Serena tells him, bouncing up and down on her heels.

"That's perfect. Maybe we can grab dinner"

"Alright, I'll come by drop by at seven then?" Serena proposes.

"See you then" Dan says.

A wide grin appears on Serena's lips. She presses a soft kiss on his cheek, making him feel warm and heads out of the penthouse.

* * *

Dan puts the shiny tiara on top of Blair's head and watches her skin glow on the MET Steps. He loves her so fucking much. Her name is literally ingrained in his every pulse. His heart is begging him to say it. To say, he would do anything for her, that he's never felt more alive and she can turn his frown upside down like no one else. But Dan doesn't say it. He listens to his brain, because his brain is telling him that once those words escape, she'll run away. Blair Waldorf doesn't love him, but maybe she will someday. However today is not that day.

A gasp escapes Dan's throat as he instantly sits up, eyes wide and sweating like crazy. He's breathing heavily and rubbing his face to get a grip on the situation. His phone vibrates against the wood of his bedstand, leading him to jump a little. The sound of a phone vibrating against wood always makes him cringe.

He grabs the phone and sees that he received a text from Serena.

**S **_**(2:24 A.M.) **_: _I can't stop thinking about that kiss_

* * *

Jenny convinces him to attend a party Serena is holding at their place. It would technically be his first Upper East Side party, making him a little nervous. He doesn't necessarily want to spend an evening with people pitying him, but his sister is right when she says he needs to start living again as Dan Humphrey and not the amnesiac man shacking it up at her place.

So Dan sighs and changes into a proper suit. He makes sure his hair is well kempt and grabs a pack of gum just in case Serena wants to kiss him again.

When he arrives, there are already a large number of guests who have arrived.

"Stick with Nate okay" Jenny tells him, leaving Dan to nod in response. She smiles and heads towards a crowd of women he doesn't recognize.

A man in a white tux, carrying a tray of champagne flutes approaches him.

"Sir, would you like a drink?"

Dan smiles appreciatively and grabs a champagne flute. "Thank you"

He starts searching around for Nate, or someone familiar even. It's hard to picture himself enjoying these sorts of parties, where most of the entertainment is in the latest gossip. Finally, he gives up and sets foot out on the terrace overlooking the buildings of the city. A sad sigh escapes his lips from the realization attending the party was a bad idea.

"Nate said he's running late"

Dan looks over his shoulder to see Blair approaching him in her elegant evening gown.

"You look beautiful" Dan says, feeling a little breathless.

Her lips curve just barley and she takes the champagne flute from his hand to take a sip, never leaving his eyes. There is something seductive about her and it makes him uncomfortable.

"Serena's been gloating about her date with you" Blair tells him and places the champagne flute on the stone railing of the terrace.

Dan raises his brows in surprise. "Really?"

"She can't stop talking about how amazing the kiss was" Blair replies and then a devilish smile forms on her lips. "So was it?"

He rubs the back of his neck with his hand and laughs nervously. "It was good"

"You're a bad liar"

Dan swallows hard. "I'm not lying"

Blair smirks. "Saying it doesn't make it true"

"You're right" Dan sighs and leans his back against the railing. "I couldn't stop picturing her as my stepsister"

A wicked smile forms on her lips. "Some men get off on that"

He can't help but chuckle and shake his head. There is something vulgar about Blair, but it's not a bad thing. Rather, he actually likes the fact that she is different from the other women. It makes her unique and full of surprises.

Dan turns his head to meet her eyes. "Did you think there was something wrong with me for marrying my ex-stepsister?"

"No, I think after Lily left your father, it was fine" Blair then scrunches her nose in disgust. "However, the fact that you two share a sibling is what grossed me out"

A crease formed in between his brows. "Wait, what did you just say?"

"You two share a sibling" Blair repeats and her long eyelashes flutter innocently. "He lives in Boston"

"Shit, I think I'm going to throw up" Dan says and covers his mouth.

He doesn't even say bye to Blair. He hurries out of the terrace and heads straight for the elevator, feeling overwhelmed and disgusted with the new information. After pressing the elevator button repeatedly, he shoves his hands down his pocket and waits impatiently.

The door to the elevator opens and he sees a smiling Nate step onto the foyer. That smile quickly falters when he sees Dan.

Nate's brows furrow in concern. "Where are you going?"

Dan rubs his face. "I have to get out of here"

"Why?"

"Blair just told me I share a sibling with Serena and I have the urge to bleach my mouth" Dan tells Nate.

"Jesus" Nate shakes his head. He then places a hand on Dan's shoulders. "Dan, you can't let Blair fuck with your head like this"

"Is it true or not?" Dan asks.

A moment of silence passes them as Nate struggles to come up with the words to respond. Right then and there, Dan knows everything Blair said was true.

"This is just a part of a sick game between Blair and Serena" Nate explains as his eyes plead for Dan to understand. "You cannot let this ruin your marriage"

"To be honest, I don't know what to do anymore" Dan shrugs his shoulder. "All I know is that I can't force myself to fall in love with Serena. Especially now"

Dan steps into the elevator.

"Dan, don't do this" Nate says.

"Hold the elevator!" Blair shouts and scurries over to them.

"You" Nate grabs a hold of her arm and scowls. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Blair pulls away from Nate's grasps and joins Dan in the elevator. "I think he deserves to know the truth"

"Stop pretending like you give a shit about him!" Nate whispers harshly.

Blair smirks as the doors to the elevator start to close. "Have good night Nate"

* * *

The elevator stops and Dan has yet to say a word. He looks upset, not that she's surprised. His reaction was expected. He doesn't even gesture her to go first like a gentleman. Instead, he storms out of the building.

"Humphrey!" Blair shouts, trying to keep up with his pace.

Dan abruptly stops and turns around. "What!"

Blair presses her lips tightly, not liking his tone one bit. She grabs his arm and tugs him over to the secluded alley next to Serena's building. It's unnecessary to have a scene out front for everyone in the Upper East Side to see.

"What's with the attitude?" Blair asks, folding her arms across her chest. "I was only presenting you with all the facts"

He takes a deep breath through his nose, attempting to stay even. "That may be true, but I feel like you're being manipulative"

"Fine, then go up there and fix this" Blair says.

"I can't give her what she wants" Dan murmurs as his voice teeters on the edge.

"Exactly" Blair replies and takes a step forward to press her chest against his. "So stop blaming me"

Dan meets her eyes, and swallows hard. "I should go"

He tries to leave, but she grabs a hold of his wrist to stop him. "I see the way you look at me"

"Stop" Dan warns and attempts to pull his wrist away, but her grip only tightens.

"I bet you've even touched yourself thinking of me" A devilish smile forms on Blair's lips. "History does tend to repeat itself" She knows she's getting to him when she sees his eyes fall down to her lips. "How many times has it been Dan?"

Dan tugs her over and their hips meet, to where she can feel his hot breath on her neck.

"I tried everything to stop thinking about you" Dan confesses against the skin of her neck.

"So stop thinking and fuck me" Blair says.

Her hips instinctively move against his him and her head rolls back to the feel of him kissing her neck. His hands make their way up to her breasts and she rolls her eyes back, reveling in the way he's palming them possessively. She can't help but melt to his touch.

Dan slips a hand under her hiked up dress. "I can't stop dreaming about you"

He rubs her wet slit with his index finger, not slipping it in and her back begins to arch against him as a sharp whimper escapes her lips. She can't handle the teasing. It's driving her crazy and she desperately needs more. She grasps onto the back of his hair tightly and hides her lips on the side of his neck as she practically drips for him.

"Tell me about your dreams"

"I-I can't" Dan struggles to say as he continues working her with his hand.

"Tell me!" Blair demands, feeling the need to know. In fact, she's desperate to hear of how he pictures having her.

"I tie you up on your bed post" Dan breathes as her tongue traces against the skin of his neck.

"And then" Blair probes.

"And then" Dan swallows hard and shuts his eyes. "And then I pound into you because I know that's how you like it…Kinky and hard"

They've done it before. She doesn't know how he knows, but he does and it makes her almost come right there in that instant.

When he finally pushes his finger in, she bites on the skin on his neck to suppress the moans from leaving her lips. It's been too long since she had felt this mind-numbingly good.

"Fuck, Dan" She breathes against his skin, moving her hips against his hardness.

He turns her around and presses her against the wall, where his slides his hand in her hair to pull her in for a feverish kiss. She moans against his lips, eyes shut. When he pulls away, she whimpers in protest and feels him place his hands under her bare thighs.

Dan lifts her up and lets her work on his pants as he frantically kisses her jaw and neck. She can't remember being this desperate to having someone fuck her before.

Dan fulfills her wish and thrusts inside her as they share open mouth kisses, and breathe against one another. When he pulls away to catch his breath, his mouth remains parted open and she can't help but bite his lower lip to scathe her teeth across it.

His length is filling her so good that it makes her unnecessarily continuously kiss him everywhere she can find bare skin. She badly wants to make it known how good he's making her feel.

And then it happens. Blair comes like she's never come before, with her toes attempting to curl in her heels and her body quivering. With her chest flushed and him breathing heavily, Blair stares at Dan as he continues to pound into her. She places both of her hands on either sides of his face and pulls him in for a deep kiss, leading him finally to release his seed and groan in pleasure against her lips.

They're still kissing, hot and messily, with their fluids mixed in one another. Her hand is pressed into his bare hip and she's having trouble letting go. Even wishing her nails have left a mark. She wants to hurt him for making her want him so much.

"Blair" Dan's lips make their way over to her jaw as she can feel his heavy breath on her skin. "I need more of you"

She uses her free hand to push the back of his head into her neck and rolls her eyes back as her legs lock tighter around him.

* * *

"All I ever did was love you" Blair says through the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Blair's staring at Chuck, and all he's doing is making her feel like she is just as much in fault. Maybe he's right and she is. She was going to cheat on him and what does it say about her for planning to go through with it.

Blair's wet eyes flutter open and she looks around in fear until she finally sees she is in her bedroom with a sleeping Dan. A relieved sigh escapes her lips and she presses a soft kiss on Dan's lips while running a hand through his hair. She then snuggles against his chest and tightens her arm around him.

* * *

_If people are wondering, Henry will be in the next chapter._


End file.
